Coming down from a very low political high

To my few, but valued, regular readers, I've been away.  Not actually traveling but sucked into the vortex of the political intrigue of my city.  I was appointed to be a member of the Traffic and Public Safety Commission, which was given expansive powers to fight crime and interact with the police and fire departments.  I even set up a new website,Focus on Encinitas- where I tried to locate my various, rants, exposes and critical analyses.   This essay is transitional, writing about that period as I am coming out of it, trying to re-enter the broader world and disengaging from the various conflicts focused on this city that had consumed me for the last half year.

Being involved in a real life municipal committee with an expansive mandate, even though they were only words in the ordinance, was a heady experience.  Of the two applicants for this position I wrote this proposal of my goals, describing the challenge of the new ordinance expanding the commission.  This provided what seemed to be an authorization to actually have some effect on real word conditions, possibly get laws passed that had never seemed possible before, if only I could effectively make my case.  And making my case I did, spending extensive hours not only research mostly on the internet, but since our city was about to spend three million dollars for an elaborate lifeguard station,  making a surprise visit to a similar facility in a neighboring city.  It turned out that the new one provided worse viability than the one it replaced, and when wrote this to the  head of our service, he promised at a meeting that they would take provisions to prevent it happening in our city.

So, simply armed with the title of "Commissioner Rodbell" I felt empowered, and was able to make small differences, something that only fueled my quest to do more.  Having a secret desire to "save the world," when one's reach goes beyond his grasp, is not a healthy condition.  Most of us focus on self gain and if that is not achievable, fall into the comfort of acceptance, or of the cynicism that no individual can make a damn bit of difference.  I'm making this transition as I write this essay, and am pretty happy that that I'm able to extricate myself from a mindset that had started to seem was beyond my ability to deal with.

Cynicism and humor or depression and despair.  A very few individuals in history have transformed their world, but never alone, always as part of chain of events that provided the preconditions.  And even those who succeed pay a dear price, as for every one of them that we've heard of there are millions who fail to make even a footnote.  So, as I was living in this roller coaster of delusions of grandeur alternating with despair,  my only succor was being true to my own visions.  However, reality intruded constantly, with the dips getting lower and more frequent wtih every cycles.  My battles became personal, those individuals who defied my quest for a more perfect world become personal enemies, and those who backed me, were behind me, as the old joke goes, seemed far far behind me.

These supporters knew what I had forgotten in my fervor, which is the world is not formed by those who seek perfection, those who strive to abolish evil, but by the realists who learn how their society works and then find their own place in it.  With every small success came greater certainty that from this little platform on the Commission I could move to a higher level, eventually being heard at the the next levels of power and beyond.  There was an election coming up with a newly defined elected Mayor of the city.  In order to get details of the regulations for running for office, that now I was considering, I had to get a packet of information that becomes public, so in all the local papers there were a few lines that Al Rodbell had pulled papers for this position.

While when it was reported that I had not made a decision to run the mere mention made me a local celebrity.  When people told me about reading about my running for mayor, there was an involuntary glow, a sense of importance, of the glory of the very title, even though I had written how the title was grossly misleading, and that because we are making it an elected position the perception of being in charge is even more divergent from the reality, which is that the person with this title has a good chance of representing a minority of votes. 

Not only could most people comprehend this paradox, but one acquaintance resented my explanation, reinforcing just how little little actual facts had on affecting what people believe.  It wasn't only in this city, but in my essay it described how a referendum to eliminate the counterproductive elected pseudo-mayor failed in one city with 80% of the votes.  It was an illustration why being in political life means riding on the beliefs of the voters, irrespective of whether they are the accumulation of various powerful messages conveyed by forces who have an interest in shaping the nature of our population.  That's a pretty broad statement, yet it implies that the most articulate, researched fact based thesis will simply be ignored if it does not resonate with the mentality of a majority of a polity.

Of course, outside of electoral politics, there are an infinite number of what sociologists call sub-groups, and marketers call niche demographics that being able to access can provide emotional, and if lucky, financial success.  It is this realization that brings me back to this website, AlRodell's Blog and even occasionally Dailykos. com where I'm known as ARODB, even though my actual identity is public.  In these venues, more here than on Dailykos, I am free to express my own observations, conclusions and opinions, with the freedom not to be concerned with the majority, or more precisely the all but universal disinterest.  Here, if those with other priorities that do not reach my personal views are less than everyone, that small number who are interested is enough.

I can continue to make my observation about my world, certainly not expansive geographically, but sometimes reaching into the lives and situations of other people in ways that are unique, because the interactions are derived from this life, as every human's life  will always be unique for those who do not have the comfort of being submerged by any defining ideology.  Failure has its rewards, as there is no temptation to internalize and accept the common thread of the accessible "tribe" or academic department, or religion, or form of atheism, or political ideology.   For me, having never had the opportunity to be a member, I reject the lure of even the hint of an invitation.  My pleasure is a simple momentary connection, enjoyment of a simple pleasure of human contact knowing it is transitory.

And so I write on this website, one of the pleasures that does not require a platform supported by any others.  My venture into the world of organized politics of this little city has been enlightening, and I feel lucky that the culmination, a final protest to the one unifying ritual of our country, one that for many is a sign of belonging, that for me is not pleasant, but disturbing, since I will never know such comfort.  My protest  against the Pledge was open ended, and could have been devastating; but turned out to be cathartic, a perfect coda to this political effort that was reaching something painful, to me that I could not let go of.  Now, maybe I can, and still in a less intense, even ironic way, continue to engage the city government on my own terms, devoid of an intensity that probably was as disturbing to others as it was becoming to me.