The Potent Promise of Freedom of Expression

When we think of someone railing against the use of language that spares discomfort to others, people like Rush Limbaugh and of course that guy (whatshisname) who is leading the polls for the Republican Presidential nomination comes to mind. I mean what could be wrong with getting rid of the term "mental retardation" that is hurtful, and replacing it with "developmental disability?"

I had been a volunteer at our local zoo, a pretty famous one, where I would get great pleasure out of interacting with the people who came from far and wide, often with children or older relatives in tow.  It's confusing place, so I relished the sense of relief when they saw me in my official red shirt and felt help was at hand, that maybe they could find their way to that exhibit they had traveled so far to see.  I'm a pretty outgoing guy, and people often respond in kind, and before long there is often a conversation going. 

Recently, a woman came over to tell me someone in their party was lost.  I had to ascertain first whether it was a child, or if not, whether the person had unusual issues that required my radioing security for an immediate search.  When I asked these questions, the woman was uncomfortable, saying "well, it's a difficult situation."  After pressing her, she said, "She does have problems, but we never talk about them." 

A few months before a mother came up to me saying her child was lost.  This is always an emergency, since it could be possible that it is an abduction, so those at the exit need an identification to prevent such an exit.  But I was stumped.  The mother and the father were of mixed race, and since clothing could be changed I was about to ask the child's race, color of skin, but I hesitated. 

While this sounds rare, there are times when precision, whether of a medical condition or of identity, is needed.  In both of these cases at the zoo the "crisis" was over quickly before I had to ask further questions, as both lost persons showed up.  In the case of the lost adult, I understand why the friend had difficulty with a description.  The lost, now found, woman did have a confused demeanor, now middle aged, I can only guess what her DSM diagnosis would be, but she was not fully functioning.  It was great that she was part of a group, maybe a family, maybe something else, and everyone was happy she was back with them. 

Yet we need language that is precise, and sometimes have to ask specific questions about mobility, health and other issues to determine what kind of assistance is needed, and this risks possibly offending someone.  My pleasure in this gig, was that quite the opposite occurs, that people appreciate my concern and there is a connection.  But, the fear of offending pervades the complex.  We are constantly warned never to have a personal conversation with anyone, as management can't be sure whether there will be emotional harm.   

Now a change of scene, from zoos to recreational tennis at public courts, and a conversation today with Jim.  Unlike the zoo, at these games there is no one telling anyone what, or what not, to say to anyone else.  It's a diverse group of men and women, with a range of ages of over 60 years, I often being the oldest of the twenty or more players on a Tuesday morning.  We play doubles, with the winners moving up and the losers down the five courts.   We sometimes talk politics during the changeover break, but with care and never too seriously.  Everyone knows I'm always ready to hang around afterwards to continue an interesting discussion.

Most of us enjoy winning, but there even more pleasure in a stimulating competitive game with each player raising the others level.  And does Jim ever love to win!. He  hustles to make shots like someone in college not on Social Security.   Yet, he is never even a bit miffed at his partner when he/she misses a set up;  but he will go after that return with his face lighting up when he hits that ball down the line for a winner. 

Just today, when time was called and he said, "we won" he caught himself, saying, "I know I should never say that, as we are all winners, and nobody loses."  I was taken aback, and asked if he was serious.  He was, and then he described his career as a physical education teacher before he retired not that long ago, and that the message was out that instructors should never accentuate winning a tennis game, as that could hurt the loser's feelings.

Now I have to try to get Jim's nature right for the reader.  Jim has never hurt anyone's feelings in the several years we have played together.  In fact, he energizes us, his vitality and drive inspiring me to play better and focus on making that point.  And being fully in the moment is a rare joy, a relief that although I often get playing these Tuesday games is at its best with Jim, whether playing with him or against him.

So, I couldn't imagine anyone telling him not to share his enthusiasm, his pleasure of winning a set, as I've never seen Jim cause anyone discomfort.  But, he explained this was the reality, that the message had gone out when he was teaching, that no one was to be a loser.  What I had thought was a joke, "you came in first runner up, rather than you lost," was no joke at all. No more of a joke than the head of zoo volunteers telling me, and everyone else,  never to have a private conversation when interacting with the visitors. Oh, and with the zoo, it wasn't only the chance of insulting them, but of "harassment" --- better safe than sorry. 

When the world watches in amazement as whatshisname continues to lead the pack even while he is an obnoxious simplistic blow-hard, there must be be something he is promising.  Those volunteers in the zoo, those teachers of phys. ed, and how many others who are told that their conversations, unless vetted by authorities, could harm their organization are living a diminished life, being denied the very human (actually primate) pleasure of social interaction.

Whatshisname somehow knows that he is popular, not in spite of his obnoxiousness, but because of it.  He is free to be who he is, and doesn't give a damn who doesn't like it. For those cowed teachers or volunteers who live in fear of expressing themselves, this is seen as a model of liberation for themselves, a virtual social revolution that is lead by one who shows no fear of castigation for being as crude as he wants to be.